If you believe in the concept of race, then it is inevitable that you feel an obligation which is defined by race. This leads to an interesting paradox - or you could just say it’s stupid and wrong. Let’s start with the following comic, now 20 years old.
Notice how people who use racial reasoning have well-rehearsed racial explanations for every possibility. That includes the times when people behave outside of stereotypical racial behaviors. For them, they are acting outside of their racial caste because they hate themselves, whereas if they were properly adjusted to racial realism, they would find reasons to love themselves.
In other words, somebody who hacks the race code must be doing so out of a psychological defect of not accepting their racial identity with pride. It is thus inconceivable to the racialist that a so-called racial minority doesn’t act like a racial minority. To conceive of any standpoint other than that of the oppressed, or the superior just doesn’t parse.
So now you can key on the phrase ‘self-hating’ with the understanding that the person using the term doesn’t expect you to think your way outside of your racial box.
I suppose the devil’s advocate would ask why it’s important to subvert the racialist rationale - after all it’s what so many millions feel strongly. All those people can’t be wrong.